The morning a baby blue jay landed in our yard was memorable.
The chubby chirper had obviously been pushed out of the nest by Mamma blue jay but was now having trouble with a second lift-off.
Confident I could handle the situation, I strolled across the lawn in my pajamas, carrying a laundry basket. But as I approached the little blue ball of feathers, something swooped down from the sky and hit me on the top of my head. At first, I thought it was my imagination, until it happened a second time, and a third.
I dropped the basket, raising my arms up to protect my head and ran back to the porch. From that vantage point I could see the attacker was Mamma blue jay.
She made it clear, no one was going to mess with her baby, even though the littlest blue jay had outgrown the relationship of the dependent nestling. It was time for him to take the next step or, better, the next flight.
It might have seemed like the end of the world when his own mother gave him the boot, but that was just one necessary step in the process of becoming the bird he was meant to be.
Believe it or not, dating relationships can be like that. Sometimes, we start out a relationship thinking we have fallen in love with someone, but at some point, we begin to feel that things are just not right. We are outgrowing the relationship.
Maybe it’s something as simple as changing interests. Maybe it’s more serious, like being treat with disrespect, or a lack of honesty. Perhaps there is poor communication or excessive jealously.
More serious are those times when the person you’re dating uses drugs or alcohol and tries to get you to do the same, or pressures you to become involved sexually. Then there are those very serious times when they abuse you physically, verbally or emotionally.
Whatever the reason, when a relationship stops you from becoming all the God intends you to be – and that includes safe and happy – when it stops you from growing and isn’t a source of joy and peace in your life, then it’s time to consider ending the relationship.
And we all know how hard that can be!
The hurt is hard enough to bear ourselves, but sometimes harder to inflict on someone else. And then there’s that whole idea of failing – talk about pain.
But, if we remember the blue jay, we can see that all relationships are a time of growth and learning. For the bird, it may mean learning to fly, find food and feed itself.
For people, even the relationships that don’t work out help us learn how to communicate (sometimes by showing us what happens when we don’t) and how to manage anger (again, sometimes by experiencing what happens when we don’t).
Most important, they can teach us how to forgive.
All these lessons will make it possible to finally be in a loving and committed relationship that endures, with our work and God’s.
Rather than being failures, we need to see the end of relationships as new beginnings. Endings are not always something to be feared, but rather, something to trust, especially if we have kept God in the picture through prayer.
If we ask God for help in making the right decisions when it comes to relationships, God will prepare our hearts and minds for whatever is best for us, even if it doesn’t seem that way right now.
That day in the backyard was both an ending and a beginning for the little blue jay. With my help, he learned to fly, and I learned that you should never let your kids see you running around the backyard in pajamas and a football helmet.
Mark Olsen photo on Unsplash.
Copyright © 2022 Mary Clifford Morrell. All rights reserved.
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