In light of the second annual World Day for Grandparents and the Elderly, established by Pope Francis in 2021 and observed on the third Sunday of July, I was asked to write an article on the unique experience of senior grief. I interviewed a psychologist and family counselor who serves in a grief support program, and a number of parish bereavement and consolation coordinators.
Across the board, they identified loneliness as the most prevalent problem for seniors, and interestingly, not only following the loss of a loved one. Older family members, neighbors, or friends are often hampered in their ability to get from place to place. Many no longer drive, and those who do are often much more fearful of driving than when they were younger.
In my family, I have one aunt left, my mother’s sister. She has lost all four of her siblings, her husband, a late-in-life male companion, most of the extended family of her generation, and a daughter – one of her five children. We recently lost my cousin, her niece, and my aunt was inconsolable at the wake. “I’m so tired of burying my family,” she cried. “I’ve lost so many, and I miss them so much.”
As their spouses, friends and children die, seniors are left more and more alone and often cut off socially, unable to visit friends, join others for shopping or make it to Mass or parish programs. They become all the more aware of their own mortality. It can be frightening.
The psychologist shared what she considered to be the most important gift we can give our seniors – to “provide support in the form of a listening ear and offer of ongoing social connection. Like anyone grieving, the elderly want to feel seen and heard.”
Bereavement ministries also mentioned the problem for many seniors of not being tech savvy. It often prevents them from staying on top of important responsibilities and programs, like banking, social security, Medicare, health insurance, or simply having the opportunity to connect with grandchildren in a way grandchildren respond to – like texting.
In the remaining days of summer, before school takes off like a roller coaster, consider sharing your time and talent with the elders of your communities. Take a senior to lunch, provide that listening ear, or teach them to text or become familiar with a computer. Or take your children with you and let them do the tech teaching!
It doesn’t take a lot to help older members of our families, parishes, or neighborhoods know they are seen and heard, and loved. A cup of tea, help around the house, a heat-and-eat meal or two, a box of their favorite treats, and an opportunity to share them with you.
It’s also a commandment to “honor your mother and father,” which would necessarily include grandparents and, hopefully, those of advancing years.
Pope Francis asks us to “Please, cherish the elderly!” It’s a beautiful lesson for our children and our students to learn, as well.
What can we do now, as well as during the school year, to honor seniors and help them fight loneliness?
Call them. A phone call is much more personal than a text and preferred by most seniors. For those who live alone, hearing another’s voice at the end of the line is a gift and helps them feel more at ease knowing someone is checking in with them. “I’ve fallen and can’t get up!” is not just a commercial.
Write them. There is something very special about receiving a letter in the mail. Seniors who are still capable are often happy to write back and share their stories. When a line of communication begins, it gives seniors something to look forward to and is often a bright spot in their day. Senior residential centers often have pen pal programs in place. You might want to check with one in your area and consider having students write to residents during the year, as well.
Go for a walk. Getting some sun and fresh air does wonders for the body. How and where you walk will be dependent on your senior’s physical condition, but even a short walk on level ground is something for them to look forward to. If walking is out of the question, a game of cards outdoors, engaging in a hobby, or putting together a puzzle on the porch in nice weather is a healthy choice for both of you.
Say the Rosary together. If praying a Rosary is an important devotion for your senior, it will have even more meaning shared with you. Or pick a Mass which has the recitation of the Rosary following and go together. Coffee and a donut on the way home sound good, too.
The value of being present to our elders is not in an elaborate plan but in the simple day-to-day activities they may be missing now because they are alone, or their physical or mental state has changed. At the heart of it all is a desire for company and the knowledge that someone cares about them.
This post appears on RCL Benziger's blog for Catholic school teachers, catechists and parents - Faith Fuel.
About the Author
Mary Clifford Morrell, mother of six and grandmother to nine, is a Catholic journalist, author, and syndicated columnist who has served the dioceses of Metuchen and Trenton, New Jersey, and RENEW International in the areas of catechesis and communication.
Tim Kilby photo on Unsplash
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