One of our favorite experiences as a family of eight was dinner in our local diner, even when the
youngest were still in diapers. The experience was magnified when we traveled across country with our best friends and their five children.
The look on the servers’ faces when we walked into a restaurant with four adults and 11 children was nothing short of priceless. But it was never the nightmare they expected. Our kids loved spending time together, talking, laughing, occasionally pranking, and always eating. And we expected them to clean up any mess they made, even on the floor.
We were blessed that our children were raised in a time without technology that would find its way to the table, and dinner was about sharing stories, expressing opinions, and, subsequently, learning how to bring gratitude and respect into the ordinary experiences of daily life. Today’s parents and grandparents face quite a different challenge.
The world seems to be moving faster. Parents are stretched to the limit, and family life is a bustle of activity beyond what we experienced. Parents often share with me that eating out is an exercise in frustration, even with two children, and they resort to allowing children to connect to cell phones or a variety of technology at the table, which often includes headphones, to keep children occupied and in their seats long enough for mom and dad to talk to each other for a few minutes.
Many parents acknowledge being uncomfortable with the practice, even though they allow it, because they have a sense that valuable time with their children is being lost.
Pope Francis agrees, and, in his Dec. 29 Angelus in St. Peter’s Square on the Feast of the Holy Family, encouraged families to put down their cell phones during meals and reclaim that important family time. “We must resume dialogue in the family: fathers, parents, children, grandparents and siblings must communicate with one another.”
This communication is a vehicle for love. It’s also an important part of faith, where traditions and prayers are shared at the same meal. More than just a list of dos and don’ts and statements of beliefs, our Catholic faith is what we do in our daily life, our daily decisions, our intellectual, emotional and spiritual growth which all happen, as well, outside of worship and catechism classes.
A lot of that growth takes place around the table when families eat together, even in a restaurant.
From the moment children walk into a restaurant they are in relationship with everyone there – parents, servers, bussers, and other customers. They have a unique opportunity to learn any one of a hundred small lessons about what it means to honor God and others when out in the world.
Children learn to develop self-respect through self-discipline, to make decisions about their menu choices, speak respectfully to staff and parents, be mindful of their behavior which impacts other patrons, and say thank you to others – a foundational expression of gratitude.
Most importantly, children come to learn a simple truth. We make time for those things which are important to us. When we make the time for and are present to each other during a meal, children come to know that every member of the family is valued and loved.
As people of faith, our best example of the power of shared meals is Jesus. The Gospels are full of stories of Jesus eating meals with those he wished to touch and teach. None was more important than the Last Supper.
Meals were a time of entering in to the lives of others while sharing spiritual and human truths. I once read a scholar’s description of Jesus’ style as “eating his way through the Gospels.”
It made me laugh, but reminded me that what’s happening at family meals is an exchange of love and love transforms us. It encourages me to stay strong when I say no to a grandchild’s request to use their Tablet or their cell phone at the table.
I’d rather we had a discussion as to why the only potatoes they will eat are French fries, or what’s suitable to dip in ketchup. And I can regale them with my many reasons for gagging on peas.
Mary Clifford Morrell is the author of "Things My Father Taught Me About Love," and "Let Go and Live: Reclaiming your life by releasing your emotional clutter," both available as ebooks on Amazon.com.
Photo by Pablo Merchán Montes on Unsplash
