“Make yourself useful.”
That was my father’s favorite phrase for reminding me that being part of a family carried responsibilities. Child or not, I could, and should, certainly contribute by setting and cleaning off the table, dusting the furniture, putting away groceries, and keeping my room at least clean enough that the health department wouldn’t condemn it.
I see it now that, as long as my father felt a need to use that phrase, it was evidence of my immaturity. A child needs to be told, a mature person should not. But even as a college student, still sadly self-focused at times, I needed to be reminded of the selective vision that looked past weeds, unfolded laundry or the almost daily need to shovel from December to March.
Growing up and maturing do not always go hand in hand. One is a physical process, the other emotional, and I would add, spiritual. Children, we know, are all about “me,” the center of their own universe and full of needs and wants. Maturity nurtures gratitude, and a willingness to respond with the whole self, not just empty words.
A truly grown-up person is also better able to balance their needs with the needs of others, and recognize that a family is a sacred trust, a covenant relationship of communion in which each person is recognized as a child of God—deserving of love and respect. When respect is divorced from love the family becomes a breeding ground for hurt, anger, and lots of drama. And who needs the drama??
A happy family, even if not a perfect family, is a minor miracle and a reason to rejoice, as long as every member is committed to making themselves useful in planning the celebration!
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