Ten years ago, I was diagnosed with serious clinic depression. I was in crisis. For some reason I felt compelled, from the first day of my realization that something was wrong, to keep a journal of the journey that would take place during the next four years. It seemed strange, since, though I am a writer, I have never really kept a journal, other than spiritual reflections and my rambling attempts at poetry.
At some point in the process of recovery, the journal began to morph into a manuscript, but it wasn't until several weeks ago, more than 10 years later, that I was able to send some sample chapters to my publisher. I suppose my counselor could help me uncover the reasons for my reticence, but I haven't seen her professionally in years now. Actually, after four years of intensive therapy, I've learned to identify my motivation for things, that is when I'm willing to really look at myself honestly. Sometimes, that's really hard. Sometimes, I wish I could just call her up on the phone to chat, and maybe throw in a few therapy issues off the cuff, but she'd see right through me. She's probably the most amazing person I've ever met.
Anyway, after some recent admissions of friends and acquaintances, that they are struggling with depression, I thought I would share a little of my journey, in bits and pieces, as I wait for a response from the publisher. Could be that there's a lot more work to do on the manuscript before it will be accepted, but in the meantime maybe someone else will find some solace in knowing they are not alone.
The manuscript is titled (at least for now) Deep Water. Any posts with those words in the title will be excerpts from the book. I will continue to pray, as one who understands, for all those suffering from a very challenging illness. Recovery is hard and humbling work, and worth every drop of blood, sweat and tears that goes into it. There is joy when we get to the place of remembering that God has a purpose for every life.
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